02-11-2021 Entry 2

       Philippians 4:6 "Don't worry about anything but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to the God"

(NIV) Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.


Lord, 

You know I do this best this way so here it goes. Lord, I just want to thank you. When I look at my life, all the things that you brought me through, all the things you kept me from, Lord, I am so thankful, so grateful for you and your intercedence in my life, even when I was the furthest away from you. Lord, I just thank you for this life Lord. I am trying to live it with a grateful heart, counting my blessings each day and my pursuit with an intimate relationship with you Lord. Father, I ask that you forgive me where I fall short because I fall short daily Lord. You know my heart. Lord, I ask that you help me with this forgiveness. I am so hurt Lord. I'm tired of feeling hurt. I am tired from carrying this secret and I am tired of carrying the burden. Lord I need to heal from this hurt. I need you to deliver me Lord from this hurt, this anger, this resentment Lord. I am no good to myself, to Louis, to anyone and especially not being a living testimony if I harbor these feelings way down deep. Lord, I know the thing I should do is to send the letter, to rewrite the letter and send the copies to my mother, my brother and my sister. I feel scared to do that not because I am worried about how it might ruin the relationships we already don't have but what kind of impact will this have on everyone? Part of me gets mad at myself when I ask that question because there I go again, thinking about everyone else first before myself and should I not be putting myself first in this situation? Lord, I need help in saying that things I want and need to say without being spiteful, hateful, without name calling or cursing. Lord, I am asking you now to guide my mind, my hand and my words. Your word tells me that I don't have to worry because you know what I need and you know why I need them. I need you now Lord to help me through this difficult time in my life. Help me deal with the pain, the trauma, the abuse so that I can be a vessel that your light can shine through and on to other little girls or young women who feel the ways that I have felt and still am struggling with. Use me Lord to do your will. Give me strength and courage and wisdom.


Amen.

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